Come away to the water. The real deal.

There is a man by the name of Glen Hansard.  To quote a friend of mine:

He yells a lot in his music.  But softly.  In a wonderful Irish accent.

I love him.

“Come Away To The Water”

Come away little lass come away to the water,
To the arms that are waiting only for you.
Come away little lass come away to the water,
To the ones appointed to see it through.
We are calling to you.

Come away little light come away to the laughter,
Show yourself so we might live.
Come away little light come away to the laughter,
To the ones appointed to see it through.
We are coming for you.
We are coming for you.

Come away little lamb come away to the water,
Give yourself so we might live anew.
Come away little lamb come away to the slaughter,
To the ones appointed to see it through.
We are coming for you.
We are coming for you.

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TRUTH THURSDAYS 19: WITHIN A ROOM SOMEWHERE

I have lived on my own since I was 16, shipped off to the States for my college degree.  That’s nearly 13 years of having my own space, coming home to a quiet 1 bedroom or house.  I am not one of those people that needs alone time – I have too much of it.  I’m constantly alone with my thoughts so what I crave, really crave, is human contact.  Connection.

To that end I’ve become an excellent events organizer.  Movie nights, karaoke sessions, TV marathons…I’m usually the one texting 20 different people and organizing it so we end up having dinner beforehand and coffee after.  I love the fact that I have awesome friends around me and I love that I am usually out for dinner and only home to catch some Law & Order reruns before I turn in for the night.  But one day you wake up and you realize you’re older – I mean OLDER.  The kind of older where the number of people that are free to spontaneously grab dinner with you has dwindled.  People are getting into serious relationships, getting married, having kids.  Responsibilities change.  Careers take off.  If you’re life is not moving at the same frenetic pace…you can feel…a bit lonely.  So you do push your life into that same hurried pace.  You fill up your calendar with activities, hobbies, events.  And suddenly you’re on the opposite side of the problem – you don’t have any time to just BE. 

It isn’t something that I feel too often because I prefer to be in the middle of a bustling storm than to just BE.  Still.  Silent.  Alone with my thoughts.  But SOMETIMES…just sometimes…I do like the occasional “BEING”.  And when I find myself craving that…I take off.  My “room” is my car.  I will drive and drive and drive.  Windows rolled down.  Wind in my hair.  Music pouring through my crappy speakers.  Me singing my guts out.  Sometimes dancing.  Sometimes crying.  Sometimes rapping and headbanging away.  Sometimes all of the above.

I live through music.  My life – I have a mixtape in my head for every event.  Small or large.  Momentous or forgettable.  And I have never been more in touch with myself, with my thoughts, with every emotion running through me – than when I am in my car playing the song that perfectly describes how I feel at that exact moment in time.  Lyrics play a huge part yes, but more often than not a melody can move me to tears.  Or give me goosebumps.  Or warm fuzzies.

I have cried more to songs than I ever have in movies.  Death scenes have a 50-50 chance of moving me to tears but listening to Iron & Wine’s The Trapeze Swinger nearly always has my eyes filling.  Jimmy Eat World’s 23 is still one of the most heartbreaking songs about love I have ever heard.  The Temper Trap’s Sweet Disposition causes this weird sense of aliveness to fill my chest.  Luke Bryan’s Crash My Party and Blake Shelton’s Sure be cool if you did give me warm fuzzies.  Joshua Radin’s The Greenest Grass and Glen Hansard’s High Hope leaves me hopeful and somewhat expectant.  Amos Lee’s Colors and Mumford & Son’s The ghosts that we knew makes my heart ache in a bittersweet way.  Switchfoot’s On Fire, Lifehouse’s Breathing and Of Monsters & Men’s King & Lionheart connect me to my God in a way I cannot begin to describe.  I could fill a whole book with the songs that I love – the selection covering bluegrass, folk, country, pop, rock, alternative, r&b, 80s, 70s, praise, indie, rap, etc.

But all this emotion and poetry and sound – the whole reason why I can feel all that in every note, in every lyric – is because I am alone and yet somehow not alone.  I am in my car.  Windows rolled down.  Hand shifting through the breeze.  Speakers blaring.  Somehow making a connection with the world despite the dark, despite the stillness.  So really, even when I’m trying to be alone – I’m really trying not to be.

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Truth Thursdays exists to connect people through writing.  To initiate something honest, thoughtful, and meaningful.  Truth Thursdays is an open discussion of expressions. There are no right or wrong responses, Truth Thursdays are just what they are.

TRUTH THURSDAYS 3: SONGS THAT MAKE ME BRAVE

Now if you had asked me for “songs that make me depressed” or “songs that will rip your heart out and then crush it” I would have given you my entire blood & guts playlist (which is over 400 songs at last count and is really named “blood & guts” on my iphone). Unfortunately the prompt was for songs that make me brave. BLESS. Here goes:

king&lionheart

Of Monsters & Men’s “King & Lionheart”.
“Howling ghosts they reappear/ In mountains that are stacked with fear/ But you’re a king and I’m a lionheart./ A lionheart.”
I LOVE THIS SONG. So much so I want to get it tattooed on me (if I ever get a 2nd tat, this would be it!). Specifically the line “You’re THE King and I’m a Lionheart”. Notice the slight change in lyrics? I think you know where I’m going with this then :). This song in particular reminds me to be brave. The Lord is my King. I am his Lionheart. God doesn’t see me as weak. I’m his princess, made strong by who my King is. Yes, sometimes I’m the dainty feminine kind of princess…think Sleeping Beauty or Snow White. But more often than not I think He sees me as his warrior princess. (cue Xena yell).

Switchfoot’s “On Fire”.
“I’m standing on the edge of me/ I’m standing on the edge of everything I’ve never been before/ And I’ve been standing on the edge of me/ Standing on the edge/ And I’m on fire When You’re near me/ I’m on fire/ When You speak/ Yeah I’m on fire/ Burning at these mysteries”
My heartsong. I’m feel like I’m forever standing on the edge of who God wants me to be.

Switchfoot’s “You”.
“There’s always something in the way/ There’s always something getting through/ but it’s not me, it’s You, it’s You…I find peace when I’m confused/ I find hope when I’m let down/ not in me … me, in You/ it’s in you…I hope to lose myself for good/ I hope to find it in the end/ not in me … me in You”
I love Jon Foreman. I think you get that by now. Listening to his music is like reading my diary. Or at least, how I wish my diary would sound if it ever was read aloud. This song reminds me I’m not alone, it’s not me who’s the captain of my ship. It’s God. He’s got me. Hemmed me in, directing the way I should go. Psalm 139 – “You hem me in behind and before, and You lay your hand upon me…where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence?” I can’t run. I can’t hide. I need to just surrender and LOSE MYSELF IN GOD.

Craig Cardiff’s “Dirty Old Town”. Relatively unknown Canadian singer writes the story of my life.
“dirty old town, dirty old town,/ they’ve got all your little problems clearly written down./ you don’t even know, don’t even see/ oh the butterfly that you’re going to be,/ the butterfly that you are becoming./ … you’re the one, you’re the one, you’re the one./ hearts grow into hearts until hearts become one./ you’re the one, you’re the one./ i carry you heart in my heart sung with every song.”
For the longest time, I never saw myself as anything other than a dirty person inside and out. I was so full of self loathing just looking in the mirror would reduce me to tears. Who knew there was someone precious under all that self-hate? He saw it. And then He saved me. And that is the best, brightest, biggest love story in my life. Nothing will ever compare.

Lifehouse’s “Breathing”.
“Cause I am hanging/ on every word you say/ and even if you don’t want to speak tonight/ that’s alright, alright with me/ Cause I want nothing more than/ to sit outside your door and/ listen to you breathing/ that’s where I want to be”
If that’s all I get out of life-just the opportunity to hear Him breathing. To know He’s there. I’ll be okay.
Psalm 84:10 – “Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere”.

Wicked’s “Defying Gravity”. Of course, we had to have some Broadway here yes? I mean really.
“Something has changed within me/ Something is not the same/ I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game/ Too late for second-guessing/ Too late to go back to sleep/ It’s time to trust my instincts/ Close my eyes and leap!/ It’s time to try/ Defying gravity/ I think I’ll try/ Defying gravity/ And you can’t pull me down!”

Kanye West & Daft Punk’s “Stronger”. HEY. I like R&B/Hip Hop/Rap. DON’T HATE.
“Work it harder, make it better,/ do it faster, makes us stronger,/ more than ever, never over,/ Our work is never over.”

Enjoy the playlist 🙂

Songs of my heart (without my brain’s participation)

I’ve been on a songwriting kick for a bit now…if by “songwriting” you mean random thoughts that you string together in the hopes that it sounds pretty and someday someone super talented will set it to music…then yes, I have been “song-writing”. Today’s contribution to this diary is a “song” I call “If”. Inspired by a series of seemingly random coincidences that I feel are not so random at all and are in fact God’s way of telling me he has been listening to me cry/whine/plead and wants to reassure me He loves me. Without further ado…

If…

If Walking steadily in the rain, only feeling my own pain.  Sometimes too overwhelming, blinding me.  Always too wrapped up in myself to see. Your little love letters to me.

And the warmth spreads through my chest, my heart full to bursting.  If I just lean in, to feel your hand on my cheek.  

If I just look up, to find your gaze on me. If I just look down, your footprints in the sand, next to mine. If I just look outside the lines, I’ll find. Your little love notes to me. 

There’s an ache inside, a desire to hide. To bury deep within myself, leaving the world behind. And I continue walking steadily in the fog, embracing the confusion.

And some days all it takes, is for you to breathe into me.  If I just lean in, to feel your hand on my cheek.

If I just look up, to find your gaze on me. If I just look down, your footprints in the sand, next to mine. If I just look outside the lines, I’ll find. Your little love notes to me. 

On days when I feel the splinters, the bruises, the cracks. These days when my body gives out, my heart beating uselessly. All I need is to lay at your feet, and listen to you breathing. And hear you speak without words.

Would I just lean in, and feel your hand on my cheek. Would I just look up, and find your gaze on me. Would I look down to see, your footprints in the sand. Would I look outside the lines to find. Little love notes from your heart to mine.

A Christian Bachelor?

bachelor

So the new Bachelor is Sean Lowe, a former insurance agent from Texas who apparently is a strong Christian.  He also happens to look a lot like this guy I used to email (and admittedly am still hung up on).  This means I will probably be watching the Bachelor and drinking chocolate milk laced with vodka.  Anyway, back to the current bachelor.  I am trying not to judge but how is a “strong Christian” going to justify dating multiple women at one time?  Is God really down with making out with different women in the same day??  I’m thinking not.  I really hope he does show America how it can be possible to conduct yourself honorably while dating (yes, even while dating around).  But then again, the first episode shows him getting lessons on how to properly make out with someone so hey, I’m not holding my breath.  *sigh*  damn he’s hot though.