I was talking with a friend about hopes and dreams one day and mentioned that I would give up my career in a heartbeat to start a family. She was beyond surprised. In fact, she’s not the only one who’s been surprised when I bring this up. Most people see me as this strong, career-driven individual. Someone who knows what they want and has a detailed timeline and roadmap to get to the finish line. That couldn’t be further from the truth. The things that I want – really want – they’re beyond my control.
I want to be a wife and a mother. If I could be those people today I would. What I have now however – what God has entrusted to me in this season – is a career. In particular, a career where I must be strong, tough (but kind), and decisive. My heart however, longs to be nurturing, loving, tender. It’s a dilemma I wrestle with often.
“Lord I don’t believe this was your original design for me.” “When can I stop playing at a career I don’t really want?” “When do I get the chance to start my own family?” These questions run around in my head constantly. Often I try to bargain with God – “if You don’t make this happen soon, I’ll get used to being independent and won’t know how to adjust to living with someone else.” There’s some truth to that argument. The more I have to function this way – the tough, strong career woman – the further I feel from the woman I long to be.
But that’s always been the great struggle of my life – honoring the season God has placed me in now while yearning for the season I know He has promised for me in the future. I’ve used this analogy before and it still seems fitting…at times I feel like I am in a tug of war with myself – only I am also the rope itself – pulling myself apart in 2 different directions. What do I do when discontent and frustration creep in? When I know who I could be and yet see nothing of the promise on its way? I remember who my God is – the God who raises the dead. Who calls into existence the things that do not yet exist.
“As it is written, I have made you the father of many nations. [He was appointed our father] in the sight of God in Whom he believed, Who gives life to the dead and speaks of the nonexistent things that [He has foretold and promised] as if they [already] existed.” – Romans 4:17 (AMP)
He can give life to my dead dreams. Especially since He planted those dreams. All I have to do is trust Him. In the face of hopeless circumstances and staggering possibilities, I am reminded…
“Is anything too hard or too wonderful for the Lord” – Genesis 18:14
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