Because of the stage of life that I am currently in (or if you want to be christianese about it – the season of life I’m currently in)…the most common question I get asked is…
…why are you so picky?
So I’m nearing my 30s. I’m single. I have never had a boyfriend. And somehow people look at me and assume this is all my fault. I must not be a dateable person. I must be turning guys away. Beating them off with sticks. Breaking hearts left and right because they’re not good-looking enough. Or smart enough. Or interesting enough. Or funny enough. The list goes on.
It’s really quite flattering. The assumption is that I am so wildly desirable and attractive that hordes of men are throwing themselves at me begging for a chance to worship the ground I walk on…they probably imagine my life looks something like this…
The reality of course, is that my life is not like the Bachelorette. 25 eligible bachelors are not following me around trying to steal alone time, get me in a hot tub, and try to impress me with how much they love their kids/ pets/ mothers/ sisters/ charity work/ insert noble occupation here.
So okay, I have managed to convince some people that there is not a screaming horde of Nordic hotness following me around. But even if they (finally) believe me – they still think, surely there are at least a couple of men interested. And then the question morphs…
…your standards must be pretty high right? you should lower your standards!
The funny thing is, that most people that throw the “standards” reason at me – are those people that don’t really know me. They haven’t spent time with me. They don’t know what makes me tick and they don’t see me interact with men. They look at me, at my sharp features, my perfectly shaped eyebrows (you remember these, the ones that can stop men in their tracks and send them crying home to mom) and think – she must have a 50 bullet point list for a potential date. Just to clear the air, here’s my “I will go out with you at least once” checklist:
- reasonably attractive (meaning nice looking, clean, doesn’t look like he smells or has lice)
- can hold a decent conversation
That’s it. Meet those high standards and if you ask me out I will say yes. I believe that you need to go out with someone, get to know them, before you throw a 50 point checklist at them. People will surprise you. They can be awkward and uncomfortable for 2 dates and then suddenly become the man of your dreams on the 3rd or 4th date. So what I’m saying is…the high standards reason doesn’t really fly in my situation.
What I will take credit for – or rather take the blame for – are the ff:
- I used to be very very insecure. I walked around putting myself down and rejecting any form of compliments from men. And if you keep doing this, guess what? Men will eventually believe what you are preaching about yourself. It’s a huge turnoff (to both guys and girls) when the person you just complimented puts themselves down.
- I can be intimidating. I freely admit to having sharp, don’t-mess-with-me features. I just don’t do anything to soften that. I rarely smile at strangers. I tend to look through them like they don’t exist. The truth is I’m just being shy but that’s not how it comes across. I refuse to apologize for my strong personality and I would never want to change that but I can certainly be more welcoming and friendly.
These are things I’m working on but really at the end of the day – to answer the question as to why I’m single – it’s simple really. It’s just not meant to happen now. If it was then it would. (that was a brilliant statement I know). At the end of the day I do my part to be a better person but ultimately I have to rely on the fact that God is in control. It’s not my fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. It’s just not time. So here’s an idea – to all the people that have asked me why I’m still single – why don’t you stop blaming me and start praying for me? That’s probably more effective than psychoanalyzing me…just saying 😉
Truth Thursdays exists to connect people through writing. To initiate something honest, thoughtful, and meaningful. Truth Thursdays is an open discussion of expressions. There are no right or wrong responses, Truth Thursdays are just what they are.