TRUTH THURSDAYS 8: WHEN IT WAS OVER

I am way behind on Truth Thursdays.  But that’s a good thing because it means I was so busy living life I couldn’t find the time to write about it.  And that isn’t a dig to anyone who is a faithful Truth Thursday-er.  That’s a dig at myself.  I got used to observing life instead of actually participating.  So I took a month off, SMELLED THE ROSES, got recharged, got refreshed, and now I’m back.  Writing about a life that I’m actually living for a change.

What happened?  Well I met the boy (*kilig*).  The meeting that was 2 years in the making…it was amazing, it was beautiful, it blew my mind and was more than I expected and…it didn’t work out (poo.).  But you know what?  I haven’t shed a single tear.  I haven’t had a twinge of sadness.  It was crazy sexy cool (heyyyy my TLC fans lol) and it was everything it needed to be for the 1.5 days we were together and then it was over.  And I’m not talking the kind of over that you hope will not really be over given time.  I’m talking last nail in the coffin over.  There is no way to “un-over” this beast.  And I’m 100% okay with that.  More than that, I’m HAPPY.  Wanna know why?

Because he held my hand.  He put his arms around me and kissed me on the cheek.  And then he held my hand some more.  And here’s my secret…no one’s ever held my hand before.  EVER.  That’s right.  My hands have never been touched.  Not by a man anyway.  Virgin hands.  I’ve been hugged, kissed on the cheek, had the arm around the shoulders but no man has ever laced his fingers with mine.  And can I be completely honest?  I had no idea your tummy could do somersaults just because someone held your hand.

For the first time in my nearly 3 decades on earth, I truly felt attractive.  For the first time ever, I didn’t question it.  You don’t need to convince me I’m pretty anymore.  I will happily say “thank you!” when you compliment me.  Why?  Because I finally had an experience that screamed “you are normal.  you are a woman.  you are desirable.  I think you’re hot”.  I have always felt confident in what I brought to the table as far as personality, intelligence, humor…I never felt like I brought much as far as attractiveness – and hey, we all have our own hangups.  That girl that’s always been chased and pursued because she looks like the second coming of Angelina Jolie is probably insecure about whether guys actually find her interesting.  Or that girl that has the boobs of Anna Nicole Smith is probably wondering whether her boyfriend would love her as much if she was an A cup – would he still think her obsession with puppets is adorable and not weird?  For me, it’s always been the physical.  I know I’m an awesome person – but am I an attractive person?  I knew that I was pretty, “unique-looking” even.  But could all this so-called prettiness draw someone in?  Well, guess what?  It can!  it did!

Just because it’s over – it doesn’t invalidate the experience.  It still happened.  It’s still TRUE. And REAL.  And it still gives me warm fuzzies.

Truth Thursdays exists to connect people through writing.  To initiate something honest, thoughtful, and meaningful.  Truth Thursdays is an open discussion of expressions. There are no right or wrong responses, Truth Thursdays are just what they are.

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