This one is for the boys and girls…and all the words words words in between them.

It would be nice to talk over the phone more.

What I mean to say is, why are you pulling away?  We’ve moved from (1.) you coming on strong, (2.) telling me you’re so into me and (3.) how much you like me, (4.)a couple of phone calls a week, (5.) texts every other day, to this – a 20 minute text session once a week that you always end.

I think we should just be friends.

This is me telling you I like you-but I don’t trust you.  You run hot & cold and send me mixed signals.  You push at me then pull away.  You make me like you, but then you act aloof.  I can’t figure you out.

Do you mean the things you say?  When you told me that you were always going to come back to you liking me?  When you told me I was beautiful and funny and loved God and what more could you look for?  When you told me that we could be the people that are always blunt and honest with each other, did you mean that?  Did you really mean “we” or did you mean “you go ahead and be honest with me, and if it’s something I don’t want to hear I’ll think you’re crazy and demanding and won’t tell you this to your face, instead I’ll do the slow fade”.

The simple truth is, maybe you’re just not that into me.  I can handle that.  But you’re sneaky.  You don’t actually say it.  So here I am thinking it.  Wondering – how do I say this to you without coming off as needy?  All I want is some clarity.  But I have the suspicion that if I bring this up, you will use it as an excuse to end this “friendship” because I got too clingy.  And I don’t want to give you an easy way out.  I want you to grow a pair and tell me WTH is going on.

What really gets me is that you love the Lord.  You really do.  And yet…it does not translate in how you treat me.  And that’s something that I’ve learned.

Just because a man says “I’m a Christian.”  “I love God.”  – doesn’t make him treat you as a precious sister in Christ.

It’s like there’s a great big disconnect.  A man can love the Lord with all his heart and still string a girl along.  And I’m not saying he has bad intentions – most of the Christian guys I know that have done this were just…afraid.  They knew they wanted to let go of a relationship or a courtship.  They just didn’t want to deal with actually saying it to the girl.  They didn’t want to be the bad guy that “ended things”.  So they hem and haw, shuffle their feet, twiddle their thumbs and then do the slow fade.  They distance themselves and hope the girl catches on and that she will be the one to make the decision to leave.

Additionally it’s like they forget everything they’ve ever said in the course of their “courtship”.  Compliments were thrown around.  Big sweeping statements were made.  Sometimes to men, words are just…words.  They genuinely don’t understand.  Words are promises.

“But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King.  And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black.  All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” – Matthew 5: 37 (NIV)

Jesus knew this.  He told us we don’t need to swear a vow, or swear on our (insert deceased relative here)’s grave.  Just say what you mean.  Don’t tell a girl you want to be with her if you don’t think you can follow through.

And please, don’t use the biblical principle of honesty as an excuse to say what you feel in that moment.  Moments pass.  Feelings fade.  Be as sure as you can be of what you’re saying.  Think about it.  Be responsible and guard not only your heart but that of the woman you are showing an interest in.  Test your feelings before you start to share them with her.

I’ve seen this happen countless times.  To good Christian men.  Leaders at church.  Pastors.  They go in guns blazing.  Stars in their eyes.  Floating hearts above their heads.  Shouting from the rooftops.  Jumping up on couches.  And then, reality sets in.  All of a sudden “she was making me chase her too much” or “she’s so needy”.  It ends in tears and broken hearts.

Don’t get me wrong.  I know it takes two to tango.  I know we women have a responsibility to not get carried away.  I get that.  But even if we guard our hearts, don’t get carried away, maintain distance – do you really think it doesn’t hurt when you leave after all the words words words you’ve said?  We’re not made of stone.

I don’t want to use the term “defrauded”.  It’s so dirty.  It makes it sound like men went out and planned to hurt women.  And I know, in most cases, that’s just not true.  Most men don’t set out to court a woman and then drop her like a hot potato.  But I will use the words irresponsible, careless, reckless.  I think that’s more appropriate.  It doesn’t take away from their relationship with God.  It doesn’t take away that they are good, decent, human beings.  It just says that maybe they weren’t good and decent with women, in those particular situations.  And they really need to be.

Truth Thursdays exists to connect people through writing.  To initiate something honest, thoughtful, and meaningful.  Truth Thursdays is an open discussion of expressions. There are no right or wrong responses, Truth Thursdays are just what they are.


  1. Pingback: Truth Thursday Roundup 07: This Is What I Mean When I Say | Truth Thursdays

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