I live in a city that is always on. High-rises, billboards, flashing lights, smog, cars honking. Sometimes the noise drowns you out. Makes you feel small and inconsequential. So for 5 days I shut out the noise. Goodbye world, hello quiet. TV, facebook, email, online dating sites, viber, everything went silent. I had hoped for more time in prayer and study. Instead I got one of the busiest work weeks of the year – and slightly more prayer and study than my normal.
The first night I ended bible study at 9pm and thought…now what? Watching Law & Order reruns was out of the question. I sat on my bed for 30 mins staring at the ceiling and woke up at 4 in the morning. I couldn’t go back to sleep. So this is what happens when you go to bed early. On the third night I ended up praying for a while. Crying out to God. All the quiet had done me in. I was faced with what I felt was my unremarkable life. I prayed – why God have You forgotten me? Don’t You have any plans for me? Can’t I be used for something bigger than myself?
Funny how noise can help you drown out questions you don’t want to ask. It exhausts you, but you welcome the bone-weary tired feeling because it means you can bury your head in the sand for just a bit longer. Unfortunately, I was now past that point. Fully aware of all my disappointments I had nothing left but tears. So I prayed. I wrote down verses that would refute everything I was thinking of. And then 2 days later – the last day of this self-imposed media fast, a text from a friend, someone I hadn’t confided in overly much:
Good morning love! I was just praying asking God what to pray for you and I felt like He wanted me to tell you to keep having hope and to cling on to Him because He isn’t’ leaving you or forsaking you. He hasn’t forgotten about you. Love you!
And just like that. I mattered. I wasn’t alone. My life – is not unremarkable. He makes all things beautiful.